Archive for October 29th, 2009

Best Divorce Letter !!!

October 29, 2009
Dear hubby:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.. I’ve
been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last
straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your
games. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything
that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you
don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West
Virginia
together! Have a great life!
Husband’s reply to his wife’s letter :
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a
far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my games so much because they drown
out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was
‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything
if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk dress: I turned away
from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was
a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I
hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets
to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason,
I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as
Carla(woman)………I hope that’s not a problem
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Dilbert’s one liners !

October 29, 2009

Here are some nice Dilbert’s one liners:

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Try & try, if you don’t succeed, then CHEAT

4. Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

12. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13. I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!

20. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

21. It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

25. Someday is not a day of the week

26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

28. The road to success…. Is always under construction.

29. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.

……. and here’s the best of the lot……..

31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else!

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